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Introduction Project MOM, 1/52, & 2/52

January 15, 2010

For those of you who don’t know, I am a motherless daughter mother. In 2007, approximately five months before my wedding, my mother passed away. She was an alcoholic who died from alcohol poisoning.

Tomorrow would have been her 50th birthday.

I’ve known for quite sometime that I wanted to do something to mark this occasion. If she were living I’m sure I would have done my best to give her a large party or maybe she would have rather celebrated by doing something crazy like skydiving (something she always wanted to do) or taking a road trip where there is no destination (a favorite- to just get in the car and drive to see where the road took you).

I thought about throwing her a party anyway. Flying back to my hometown and rounding up friends and family. But then I decided that was kind of creepy and not something that would have honored the legacy of her spirit (aka the person she was before she was an alcoholic).

Then, right around the holidays it came to me. **I am going to spend this year doing the things she loved to do, the things I think she would want me to do, or things that honor the legacy of her spirit. I hope to accomplish one a week.

To be honest, it’s a bit harder than I thought it would be. My entire adult life I spent living in a different state than here. I’m not saying that we weren’t close- at times we were thick as thieves. However, her alcoholism started after I had moved away and at times it was easier for me to not call or be as in touch as I should have been, than was it was to do so. Therefore, at least for right now I’m not feeling like a have a lot to draw from with regard to her. I also feel as though my childhood memories are fleeting.

** I’m going to add blogging memories to this list as well.

This project is going to be called Project MOM.

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Project MOM 1/52

(mom = before alcoholism mom)

One thing my mom loved to do was to spend time with her nephews. I don’t think there was any part of them that she did not enjoy. In my eyes, mom was just about as great as an Aunt one could be.

Often, she would go visit  her nephews (my Nana babysat them during the day) and cause all sorts of fantastic trouble. Once, she even let them cut her hair (they were maybe four and five at the time).

On December 23, 2009 a life long dream of mine came true. I became an Auntie. Michael’s brother (Steven) and his wife (Carrie) gave birth to a handsome baby boy named Andrew Windsor.

We went to Philadelphia to visit them on New Years Day. I spent the greater part of the weekend loving on my nephew just as my mother would have.

And, by the same token- Malone’s Auntie Carrie spent a great deal of time loving on him.

Project MOM 2/52

Rinse. Lather. Repeat

This past weekend was not a great one in my house. Malone was sicker than I’ve ever seen him.

Hot, cold, fever, no fever, but always whiney.

Friday night was the absolute worst night (so far) in my mommy life. Malone could not settle because he didn’t feel well. He was congested and could not breathe.

I knew that Michael and the cats were going to be banished to the futon while Malone and I hunkered down for a long sleepless night together. (Typically, Michael, Malone, myself, and at least one of the cats all sleep together in our bed.)

This is what our Friday (1/8/10) night looked like. Vomit, clean up, attempt to nurse, scream, sleep. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Malone went through 5 pj tops.

From 4:00 am – 5:00 am Malone screamed and cried inconsolably non stop.

At 6:00 we moved from the bedroom into the glider in the living room. We both slept until about 8:30.

As a kid, my mom often told me a story of how she fell asleep standing next to my crib one night when I was having a rough night as a baby. Growing up, I never dreamt exhaustion on such a level that it would even be possible.

I get it now mom, I get it.  And thanks.

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